Easter Weekend.

SATURDAY:

Went to the local cafe which opened recently. Quite a cool-looking one. It's weird as the surrounding is not cool at all, stepping into the cafe was like entering another world. The coffee was nice.
Then drove up to Mt. Macedon where we often go to to rejuvenate our energy, although I was too exhausted and it wasn't enough for me to recover from the stress that piled up in the last couple of weeks.

At about 6pm we went to the pub-diner in Woodend to have a meal.
Around the center was the traditional brick fireplace. We chose the table closest to it that wasn't reserved. The time was still early and the place wasn't yet crowded. I decided to have scallop for entree, well, I never order main meal so that was my 'main'. I also felt like some wine, but since I am no connoisseur, I asked them to select one for me.
As my order was brought to the table, I was shocked at how small the serve was, considering its high price at $18. Only about 5 scallops were on the plate, beautifully presented but. Each served with pear (and something else) sauce, topped with tiny crispy bacon and garnished with parsley, which was a nice touch.
Oh, and the scallop was fresh, not over-cooked. It wasn't over-seasoned either, there was just enough saltiness in the bacon, which blended with the fruitiness and the subtle sweetness of pear sauce, and the cool, sorbet-like texture of the sauce neutralized the oiliness of the bacon and created the surprisingly refreshing taste. I'd have to admit that I had never had anything like that before, anything quite so creative. So I guess it was money well spent.

As the evening grew, more people came in. By 6:30pm, the place was full of families and friends. Watching the fire burning and having a glass of wine, I felt comfortable, but somewhat emotional at the same time.
Out of nowhere the image of my dad entered my thought.
Easter is time for family. I was just a bit sentimental.

Back home, we watched the German war film (Submarine film) called Das Boot, the only war movie I watch again and again.
The captain of the U-boat is disillusioned with Hitler and the war, probably so are the other chiefs. The life inside the submarine with no phone, no radio, no women - that alone would be enough to drive you crazy. Plus the confined space is cramped with crews and other amenities.
Back during the war, U-boat was said to be near-indestructible, and it really seemed that way. It was amazing how it survived through the relentless attack by British marine. However, towards the end of the war, British developed the advance tracking system, and was able to locate the U-boats.
You can feel as the frequency of the signal gets faster, the tension inside the boat becomes stifling...then the next second, the torpedo hits the submarine.
Imagine the crew listening nervously to the signal frequency slowing down but not going away, swallowing the breath, and the anticipation for the worst growing heavier and heavier. It makes your gut wrench. Seriously.

The movie is maybe not good if you are claustrophobic, because there's not much going-on outside the submarine. Plus, the overall vibe of the film is almost unbearably grim, but it is a very touching film.
You see all the emotional walls and ego slowly breaking down as the crews spend a long time together, share the same fears and hopes, face and escape many near-death situations, and how they gradually bond through this extreme experience.
At the bottom of the sea, even when all the hope was fizzling away, with the failed engine, the compass not functioning and fresh oxygen running low, the team never gave up. They all helped each other, to surface once again, to be back home once again.

Oh, people really should watch it - If you watch this you know what I mean.
No matter how many times I watch this film I'm always left speechless and numb.

After all this, came nothing, nothing. Nothing...


SUNDAY:

There was no celebration on Easter Sunday, but it was a special weekend regardless.
Now I've got to hit the sack.

Life is.

Life is a repetition of ups and downs, like happenings on the stock market.
Difference is, you can’t sell your life before it goes down.
It’s not the end until your life ends and, whether it’s the good news or bad depends on how you perceive it.

Life is the series of recurring negative events but also can be of recurring positive events.

The whole “Life is…” thing, although sometimes I think it's full of crap,
I often use it to somehow coming to terms with my day-to-day happenings.
When I get over-confident and cocky, I would tell myself that what goes up comes down, and when I feel down, 'it’ll go back up' vice versa.

Pretty philosophical ain’t I?
But, what about believing in myself?

What you dream comes true.
What you fear comes true.

Do I have a dream?
If I do, is it something I desperately want? "..."
No?, then what’s left is intangible fear.
Don’t fear girl, else it’ll come true.
I feel a bit lost, eternally wondering what the right thing is to do, or if I’m doing something I shouldn’t be.
…Things happen for a reason…is another well-known saying, but who cares?
What matters to me NOW is to survive.
Yes, it’s all about survival.
Agh, I hate playing game to survive, though I have to in the real world.
How nice would it be if I could let my mind drift in the dream world, and do not have to worry about depressing situations that often arise?

Hmph! I won’t bother.
Let whatever happens happen.

Failure after failure, but...

God, it's already into mid-spring, and the race season is just around the corner. Meanwhile I've been busying myself with job-hunting, which, of course, proved to be impossibly hard.

Using a disability job agency wasn't a good idea.
Two weeks ago, I was sacked from a restaurant after a day's trial because I couldn't even carry two light plates, according to the owner's reasoning. - Bullshit. She knew that I was an epileptic. And I COULD carry two light plates no problem. However, I couldn't carry two HEAVY scorching hot plates and I'm not denying it.

It was the night of Collingwood vs. Hawthorn match and the restaurant was jam-packed.
Both trainer and the owner were super busy, therefore had no time to properly give me the training that they were supposed to provide.
'Well, I can't stand there doing nothing and waiting for them to tell me what to do next', I thought - so I got on with my job after the brief introduction and instruction. I thought I did well, even the trainer admitted it. It was only the owner, the only person who knew my condition who was giving off the negative vibe.

IT DOESN'T MATTER. I'M OVER ＩＴ．

Then around a week later I received a call from a shop I was applying for, for an interview. The job was pretty much the same as what I've been doing at my Op-shop, so the interview went extremely well, and the interviewer was extremely happy - until she did the reference check. It was a mistake that I used the referee from the disability job agency. They must have found out what sort of agency they were.

It's going to be a long road to my independence yet.

Speaking of which, I once lived next door to a guy, who's as known as "The Golden Jacket". Well, I am not a Collingwood supporter. I am indeed a Western Bulldog supporter, but I've always had a soft spot on the Collingwood Football Club because of this lovely ex-neighbour. He has a daughter who has the same condition as mine - Juvenile myoclonic epilepsy with occasional tonic-clonic seizures.
Him without that golden jacket was a genuine softie guy who supports his socially-disadvantaged family. We haven't called in by his house for quite a while, but these few days the thought of him and Emma (his daughter) comes across in my mind a lot as I struggle through my job-hunting.

I might have already said this a few times before, but breaking the social wall between Epileptics and Non-Epileptics is no easy job, if not impossible; although breaking the personal wall is not that hard as all you need is your own open-mindedness.

I recall the reaction of the owner of the Restaurant now. At that time when she asked me how I felt about the job, I almost felt the pressure to say, "No. I didn't like the job." In retrospect, the true reason that she sacked me may not have been her being prejudiced but because she was concerned about the customers' and the other staff's reaction IF ever I have a tonic-clonic seizure there.
What I mean is, even if I could win the staff members' understanding, I can't expect every single customer to understand, which means that the restaurant would lose the customers and inevitably its reputation would suffer. The owner couldn't let it happen. She couldn't take that risk. The only grudge I have against her was that she wasn't honest with me.

Here at my Op-shop I do my job spot on, so why can't I get a single paid job? - I'd think.
But it scares me to imagine the situation where I have a seizure at work and creates the chaos that I don't want.

Human-right issues are tough to beat because there are a lot of dilemmas there, because there's no solution where everyone is happy - and sometimes it's not even a matter of good morals and ethics.

Having said that I still think that I can do better. A lot better.
I can't help but envy all my high-achieving friends who work days and nights doing things that they are passionate about. It's not like I want to be like them. All I want is independence.

- Joffa still supports his family. I don't think Emma has the independence either, which I believe she's always wished for. She now is the mother of 3 lovely kids, but I can't even have kids.

I could scream.

I'd bite my lips, hold back my tears and try to get on with my life, hoping that tomorrow will be a better day.

In a mood for ranting...26th May

As my trip to Japan approaches, I’m starting to calm down.

Now I read more about what’s broadcasted in Japan and realized that there are two very different kinds of news. One is watered-down information with something missing, and the other; expose-dark secret sort of information, and I was contributing to the latter.

The wish of bringing in Justice out of good intention sometimes defeats the purpose and ends up creating the opposite effect. Instead of solving anything, it aids only to raise unnecessary fear and damage the life quality of people who are involved in the matter discussed.

Unfortunately “busting what’s hidden behind” type of news sells a lot more than happy news. Are we being duped again, this time by those with different agenda with saints’ face? …and we take the bait and become confused and paranoid.

I still think that being aware of truth is important, but there are lots of things about nuclear power plant I have yet to learn. What's happened in Fukushima was nothing like Chernobyl that is for sure. I wonder if there’s some way to remove the radioactive substance in the air.

It looks like there is the study currently being conducted to develop the way to remove radioactive contamination. Everyone now knows nuclear power plants are highly dangerous. Sooner or later the alternative energy generation should be investigated such as geothermal generation while trying to close the nuclear power plant. At least the situation is not irreversible yet, although I don’t know the credibility of the information that sunflowers can reduce the amount of radioactive materials that has been found on the Internet.

Yesterday was Anzac day. There are still soldiers sacrificing their lives somewhere on this earth and for what?

Would using arm force stop violence and terrorism?

It appears to me like a huge waste of lives and tax money. The money could’ve been used to help those suffering from poverty or developing something to save this planet.

So far all what we’re doing seems to be destroying ourselves.

Do people in power really want peace? Do they really care about environmental issues?

It doesn’t make sense to me. Can weapons those soldiers use be manufactured without emitting CO2? I don’t think so - and what about when those firearms are fired? Doesn’t it emit CO2?

I am not religious, but if so called ‘god’ gives another chance to Japan, there are many things that have to change.

How much karma are we carrying and why do we always have to fight, compete and win, even when natural disasters are happening more often these days than ever.

What a bunch of idiots are we?

When the world comes to the end, we human all over the world remorse our mistakes and reminisce how beautiful the earth once was and forget the hatred, ego and greed that we clang to, realizing how meaningless these all were.

That’s the thought that troubles me and saddens me these days.

And probably my own idiocy sometimes, and dread it.

Instead of making changes, we tend to think, fuck it – we'll enjoy life while we can.

 “Damn right, we are fucked. It’s too late.” Someone said to me.

But I still believe in hope.

I have this hopeless idealism that somewhere along the line that politicians all around the world would drop their pathetic agenda to save each other, and save their people. You can laugh at me.

I’m not usually religious, but I’m selfishly pray to God now to give Japan the chance to learn, and recover. If we could in some way reduce the radiation to a safe level, our people in Northwest, Fukushima particularly can regain the spirit and quality of life without taking it for granted.

There is a hope, isn’t there?

26-FEB

For the past 5 days I've been spending all my free time editing and modifying the short story I wrote years ago, which reminded me the struggle and the excitement I went through while I was in the creative writing course.
The editing process proved to be both enjoyable and daunting at the same time just as I thought.
In fact, everyday and every time as I tackle this project I find something I don't like.
No matter how many times I re-read my writing there are always some parts I'm not happy with.
So I edit a bit, still not satisfied and I change words, delete few lines and alter some descriptions.
Then I post it, and find my writing still awkward.
I find myself getting cold feet, feeling exposed and humiliated.
Then again these consequences were already expected before I even started it.
So I say to myself 'whatever' and let myself engrossed with the endless persuit of 'my style' that works.
I might never find it but I will try regardless of the result.

Someone in my class commented on my original draft as wordy, over-discriptive, over-sentimental and predictable. He was really sharp, but his remarks were also spot-on, I have to admit.
However, I didn't agree with all what he said because his own style was way too journalistic for story-writing. He would've made a good critic, though.
My understanding of his criticism was; density may not be a bad thing, as long as it matches the effect that I intend, but in most circumstances, the over-use of colouful discriptive language makes the story sound self-indulgent and tacky, so to say. What I attempted to achieve was the ability to use the space effectively in my writing and create the rhythm that matches the story.

That's why I like Tim Winton. I think he's masterful in the use of space in writing. He can evoke feelings and images so effortlessly and his fragmental writing style seems to work so well (like prose poems).
His writing has the feel of a fine music and it never ceases to amaze me.

When I first wrote this assignment story, my teacher suggested me to read "The Lover" by Margaret Duras.
I remember reading the book few years ago and found the writing fairly dense, but it indeed, matched the feel and the climate of the location where the story was based - Saigon, one of the river-side town by the Mekong river.
I seem to remember that the story was about a french woman's experience as a lover of a wealthy young Chinese guy in the hot, humind summer in Saigon, when she was 15.
The smell of opium drifting in his room. He gives her money and she accepts to have sex with him. The thought that she maybe in love with him never enters her mind.
As it was the memoir of Duras's own experience, the observation was sharp, and yet almost detached.
There was heavy use of discriptive language, as far as I remember, which amplified the weight and the vividness of her experience gradually unfolded in the story. It also had the poetic edge to it, which I think is because of , again, 'rhythm' reminiscent of the boats rocking in the Mekong river. Probably the dense style of her writing was a deliberate attempt to evoke the strong feel of 'being there'.
I found the story suffocatingly erotic though. The controversial aspect of the under-age girl selling her body to a man, the smell of sweat, the description of the climate all orchestrate together to highlight the sensuality. That was the impression I got from that book.
Actually I might check out this book again. It's always nice to get back to reading the same book again as my interpretation of the story changes slightly each time I read it..

When I write, there's this temptation to use descriptive language way more than what's necessary. As a result nothing is left to imagination, which is precisely I don't want.


I'm writing it in memoir-style, but actually it mostly relies on my imagination, so it's going to be difficult to place myself in the protagonist's position, but I know I'll enjoy it partly for that challenge.
For the time being I'm lost without a clear direction, but it's an experiment so I could change bits and pieces of this draft later. Anyway, I think it's enough for today.

No Title.

For a long time I had had nothing exciting to write about. I still don’t.

There's no new menu on the dinner table. 

Talking of weather is getting tad boring. 

Getting up late feeling as if I have no energy at all - feeling low and fatigued.

Sometimes I wonder if it’s my medication making me drowsy.

Other time, I think it’s my slackness.

Now I can not even determine which one is the culprit.

I did practically nothing over last week apart from going to work.

The lounge is cluttered with Ian’s music gears.
It has transformed into something like a bachelor’s bungalow – I bet you'll have a picture in your head.

The sight of it is enough to de-motivate me to clean up the house.

Oh well, oh well, he will do it when he’s got time…means when?

I couldn’t be bothered to move that stuff.

The house is in the total mess.

Should I clean it?

Oh crap, I’ll wait until he moves those gears out of the room.

Surprisingly I had full of excuses for Not-To-Do things.

A bored wife going through the early pre-menopausal depression killing time snacking and watching TV…soon, all the alarming bells would start going off at once.

Four days ago,

I looked myself in the full-size mirror and noticed the flabbiness on my thighs and biceps. It looks imbalanced because the rest of my body is skinny as a rake.

Now, it’s the confession time.

I hadn’t been doing my daily exercise for quite some time, not even my pseudo yoga.

I looked horrible.

Three days ago, I’ve finally decided to do something with it.

And this was the plan. To get one thing done per day - Just ONE thing.

Day one. I wiped off the floor where the stubborn smears of glue were stuck over the large area in the doorway.

Day two. I did washing and aired doona during the day.

Day three. I plucked some weeds in the backyard and did some yoga exercise after god-knows-how-long.

Today. Cleaned the bathroom and went out for barbie in the park.

I still feel sluggish, but my motivation is definitely on its way back.

18-Nov

I’ve been literally flat out this week. Well it’s quite depressing to say, that I achieved nothing for it. I haven’t heard anything from the HR manager at the shop which I applied for the shop assistant position recently.

I reckon that the timing was still premature. Someday something might come along, but obviously not yet so I’d have to be patient.

In the mean time, I’m gradually getting better at my new position (day supervisor) at the op-shop. 

I guess I was sort of used to stuff like training volunteers and keeping the shop running smoothly as I’ve had to do that for a long enough time before being given this opportunity.

今週は本当に忙しい日が続いている。それで何か達成したかって言えば何にも達成してないって言うのは気が滅入る。最近店員としての仕事に応募したお店の雇用担当者からはまったく音沙汰なし。

まだ、タイミングが早かったのかも。いつか何かしら出てくるかも知れないけど、明らかにその時はまだ来てないんだね。辛抱辛抱。

その間に、オプショップでの新しい仕事にはだんだん慣れ始めた。

多分ボランティアの教育とかお店の管理とかは、この仕事を与えられる前にも必要に迫られてかなりの間やっていたから 結構抵抗感が無いのかも。

I feel kind of pressured to achieve something, asap, perhaps because now that everyone around me seems to be getting somewhere, one way or another.

Sometimes I feel as if I’m using my condition as kind of an excuse to be slack, in a way, which drives me to work harder, a lot harder than I should…and now what? I feel sick. (it’s also because it’s the time of the month I feel lethargic.)

何だか早く何かに到達しなきゃって思っちゃうんだよね、多分今周りがみんな何かしら上手くいき始めてるからだと思う。

時々、ある意味で自分の病気を怠けるための言い訳にしてるように感じちゃって、それでいつもより頑張っちゃう。ずっと頑張っちゃう。で結果は？　

また気分悪い。（今、月の間でだるく感じる時期だだってのもあるけど） 

Here’s the thing. I really shouldn’t feel pressured by other people's achievement. Fair enough it’s ok to be inspired, but I always should take my health into account.

ホントはね、他の人の頑張りにプレッシャーを感じる事はないんだよね。いい刺激を受けるのはいいんだけど、自分の健康のことはいつも念頭に置いてないとダメ。

It’s just that I want to believe I can do what other people can. Yes I can, but only to a certain extent. If I’ve said I care less about what some people may think of me, it’d be a lie, but I also have to face the reality, which means that there are times I have to backpedal, but not in a negative sense.

To be honest, this whole medical condition thing makes my teeth grit sometimes. I won’t deny it. It just makes me a human.

たださ、普通の人のやれる事なら自分だって出来るって信じたいだけなんだよ。もちろん可能なんだけど、それはある程度までの話。もし他の人がワタシの事をどう思うかなんて気にもしないよなんていったらウソになる。でも現実には向き合わないと。それは悪い意味じゃなくて、トーンダウンする事も時には必要だってこと。

本当はこの病気の事で、歯軋りしたくなる事ある。それを別に否定しない。だってそれは（そういう風に感じるのは）ワタシが人間だからだもん。

But hey, look at the bright side. There are those who are counting on me. (My pathetic little job – god, I should really stop feeling like I were the biggest loser.) It's not the end of the world, indeed, far from it.

でも、よく考えれば、ワタシを頼ってくれてるひともいるわけだし。（大したことないくだらない仕事－ほんっと、ワタシ自分を最低の負け犬のように感じるの止めなきゃ。）この世の終わりなんかじゃ全然ないしね。

My time will come only if I change the way I look at my situation.

ワタシの運はワタシが自分の状況に対する見方を変えなきゃいつまでも巡って来ない。

It's not easy to transfer a blog. (ブログ移動するのって難しい。)

I spent the whole last night transferring my old blog entries from my FC2 blog.

Since Blogspot only import .xml files and FC2 blog backup service only supports .txt format, I thought I'd have to find some way to convert the txt file to.xml file format.


昨日 徹夜してFC2からブログを移動した。
Blogspotは.txlファイルしかインポートしないし、FC2ブログのバックアップサービスは.txtフォーマットしかサポートしないの。だから何とかtxtファイルから.xmlファイルに変換する方法を見つけなきゃとおもって。。。


I tried a few free .txt to .xml converters, but somehow couldn't figure out how they work. So I mucked around a bit more with the .txt file. Then I opened the "New Post" page on the Blogspot and saw the button that says "Edit HTML".


試しに無料のtxtファイル→xmlファイル変換用ソフトをいくつか使ってみたけど、使用方法が今ひとつわからなかった。それで、txtファイルをしばらくいじってたの。で、Blogspotで「新しい記事を書く」ってなページを開いたら、「HTML編集」って書いてあるボタンを見つけたのね。

Eureka! 'The .txt file contents was full of HTML language, so if I cut and paste it on the "Edit HTML" field, it might converts into an article'. I thought.

Sure enough, when I clicked the "Compose" button locates next to it, I could see what a blog entry should look like.



もしや！「.txtファイルはHTML記号でいっぱいだった。だからもし「HTML編集」のところにコピペしたら記事に変換するんじゃないか？」って思ったの。
思ったとおりだった。「HTML編集」の隣にある「文書作成」のボタンをクリックしたら、ブログ記事みたいな表示になったんだ。


It was time and energy consuming work. First of all, I had to copy the text to Microsoft Word, and then had to cut and paste each entry onto "New Post" page.


すごく時間もエネルギーも費やす作業だった。始めにワードにテキストをコピーして、それからひとつひとつ記事を「新しい記事を書く」 っていうページにペーストしていかなきゃなんなかった。


There could've been an easier, quicker way to the same result but, "Hoolay! I finally managed to transfer all the entries to Blogspot."


他に簡単で時間のかからない方法があったかも知れないけど。「やったぁ！とうとうBlogspotに記事を全部移せたぞ。」


Indeed I tried to switch from my fc2 blog before, like 6 months ago, but didn't know how to import the articles.


実は６ヶ月前くらいにもFC２ブログから移動を試みたのね。でも移動の仕方がわかんなかった。


After long hours of draining job, I sure felt the sense of achievement.


長時間のすごく疲れる仕事の後、達成感を感じたことは間違いない。 

Slightly negative - 微妙にネガティブ。

Today was, well, a busy but non-eventful day.
The light rain was forecasted but we only had a little drizzle in the evening.

今日は忙しかったけど、話すネタになるような事もない一日だった。
小雨が降るっていう予報だったけど、結局霧雨が夕方降っただけ。

I haven't been reading any new book for ages. Although the the same old books I got is still fun to read.

新しい本なんて何年も読んでないなぁ。持ってる読み古しの本も面白いけどね。

After coming back from the shop I watched 2 episodes of 'Just shoot me (of which I've been a fan for years)' which my hubby videotaped for me (What a sweetie).
Season 4 is on now on GO! (one of the digital channels in Australia), but I have to say it's not as funny as the previous couple of seasons I was hooked onto (actually I quite liked the first season as well, wouldn't mind getting the complete DVD set somewhere along the line).
Talking of Season 4, it has way too much focus on "adult" theme and the sensuality of Nina Van Horn (an ex-super model and now working for the Blush magazine as a fashion editor.) that is getting too predictable. Not me cup of tea, I might give this season a pass. I also don't like the way each episode shows the glimpse of the last episode at the beginning, saying; 'previously on Just shoot me (or whatever)'.

ウチに帰ってきてからダーリンが録画してくれた（なんて優しいんだろ。）「ジャスト・シュート・ミー（何年もこのシットコムのファンやってる）」２回分を見た。
今シーズン４をGO（オーストラリアのデジタル局）でやってるんだけど、ワタシがモロにはまった前２シーズンに比べるとあんまし面白くない（シーズン１も結構好きだった。DVDセット買ってもいいなぁ）。
シーズン４の話に戻るけど、「オトナ」のテーマとかニーナ・ヴァン・ホーン（元スーパーモデルで現在はブラッシュ誌のファッションエディターという設定）のお色気ばかりに焦点が置いてあるのがどうもありきたりになってきちゃってるっていうか。あんましワタシの好みじゃないな。このシーズンはパスしようかな。それに、毎回始めに「前回のジャスト・シュート・ミーでは（とか）」言って前回放送分をちら見せするのも好きじゃないし。

Believe it or not, I'm not in that bad a mood, but today wasn't my day *sigh*.

信じないかも知れないけど、不機嫌なワケじゃないの。ただ、今日はついてない日だったんだ。＊ためいき＊

Well, my day will come eventually.

まぁ、そのウチに運も回ってくることでしょう。

Struggles with the new position - 四苦八苦。

Oh, I’m so exhausted.

ふぅ。めっちゃ疲れたよ。

Well, I guess I’ve been doing okay with my job as a supervisor, except that I don’t have answers to many questions I’m asked over the phone.

結構自分では管理の仕事うまくやってると思うんだけど、電話で答えられない質問がかなりあるんだよね。

I’m pretty good with direct communication. Everything seems more straight-forward when you talk to people face-to-face. But on the phone, the questions are not limited to things that I’m familiar with, or even if I am, I still get confused by the way some people phrase questions.

ワタシね、直接のコミュニケーションは結構得意なつもりなの。面と面で話すと、全てがもっと単純に感じるんだ。でも電話だと、質問の種類が知っている範囲に留まらないし、もし知ってたとしても相手の言葉の使い方次第で結構混乱しちゃう。

It's probably because I don’t know the whole line of activities that our shop/organisation is involved with. Or simply my listening skill is not up to scratch.

多分、店と管理してる慈善団体の活動全体を知らないからだと思う。或いは単純にワタシのリスニングスキルが完全じゃないからかも。

So, that’s the thing. I don’t get the point of the questions straight away. Had I had the background knowledge about our welfare services outside the shop and how they work, everything would fall into place and then I can answer the questions.

だからさ、つまり質問のポイントがすぐにピンと来ない訳ね。もしショップ内以外の福祉活動やそのシステムとかの基礎知識があったら多分あぁそうだったんだって全て納得できるだろうし、質問にも答えられるんじゃないかって。

Oh well, it’s still the second week so hopefully I’ll get better at it. (Keep my fingers crossed.)

まぁ、二週間目だしもっと上手く出来るようになる事を祈ろう。。。（どうか上手く行きますように。）

Got ourselves a new phone!

FINALLY!
I got a new speakerphone with an answering machine. ↓

Prior to that we were using this old speaker phone that somebody chucked out. It's grubby, I know.

Just in case if you think we're into scavenging, please take into account that it's not so uncommon in Melbourne for people to recycle something that neibours threw out on the street…although it’s illegal now that the chances we score free furniture or lounge suite will be less.

For 5 long years, this phone served its purpose and contributed to us saving a little bit of money, but recently it started having problems like, phone calls getting cut off, the voice isn’t clear enough, ADSL and phone-line somehow getting mixed up, etc, etc...

So there's no surprise that I'm so ecstatic that we’ve now got this new phone.
From now on, there's no more need to take calls from some marketing guy, sales guy, or someone who wants to conduct a survey.
And no more need to miss calls from friends who don’t have a mobile phone!

We still use some old stuff, but it’s also nice to add a bit of convenience in our life, isn't it?

Once upon a time there was a computer that is very slow but safe...

3 days ago my computer started acting up. Although there had been occasional notifications of malware infected files, those files were supposed to be quarantined and the computer had had no other major issue until then.

So 3 days ago, my opera internet browser stopped loading pages. I switched off the router and switched it back on, double-checking it was connected.
It didn't solve the problem.
However, when I tried the same pages on Internet Explorer, they opened fine, which meant it wasn't anything to do with internet connection.

Since it had been a while that I was tossing whether to get back to using Firefox or not, I quickly decided to ditch Opera and installed the latest version of Firefox. It was then the problem started again - similar to what happened on Opera.
'It might be something to do with registry key,' I thought, without knowing much about what it is anyway. So I installed IObit AdvanceCare, a free computer maintenance software with registry cleaning function which I had used before.
After the supposed 'repair' operation, the Firefox seemed to successfully load pages that I opened, only to crash after a mere couple of minutes.
Firefox kept crashing like forever. Next, I considered the possibility of virus or malware infection, so I installed IObit security 360.

The computer was still acting strangely but managed okay through the next 2 days.
But as you know I knew that it won't take long for my PC to fuck up again!
That IObit kept telling me to download the latest version. I ignored it for few times, but I eventually surrendered to the pestering message and downloaded the newest version, which was, of course, infected.
My antivirus software stopped updating altogether and the PC didn't even download Windows security update files. I tried the system restore operation a few times to no avail.

I spent hours seeking solutions to one problem and ended in creating more problems that I can't fix - without re-installing the flesh copy of Windows.
It took a long time to complete the whole operation from creating back-up CDs to re-installing the XP to setting up the PC. I also tossed many files and CDs that were probably infected with malware.

My PC seem to break down or act up every 4-6 months, and half the time the problems were caused by registry cleaners.
So I kept it simple this time. No registry cleaner, no malware cleaner, but keeping only my antivirus software. And made sure to switch off Windows automatic update, as it often cause my old softwares to stop working.

What I learned from this time are:
1. Avoid using registry softwares. Unless you are an expert, you won't know what it's doing or whether it's deleting potentially important registry information.

2. Avoid downloading/installing freewares or sharewares, as those softwares have higher chances of spyware/malware infection. Indeed my PC played up a few times in the past because of some malware-infected softwares.

3. Windows Automatic Update - what I'm gonna do about it? Some of the updates are probably important, but how would I know which updates are to avoid installing?

I graduated from highschool 21 years ago, the year the era turned from Showa to Heisei, and that was the year I started using computers. At that time I was using two floppy-disk softwares called Ichitaro(word processor) and Hanako(I think it was a spreadsheet application). From the way I remember the PC was very, very slow; however, it was very, very safe. Well, it was the pre-Internet era.
I had used only those 2 applications before I first used Windows 95 for DTP projects. The technology development was shockingly fast - although there were still times where I had to use MS-DOS, it was the first time I used e-mailing system. (Actually I think the first Windows I used was Windows 3.1...)

Today, we don't know many people around who don't have a computer. But is it a convenience to have one or is it just another cause of headache?

Fact: We can't imagine living without PC but it is a cause of many headaches.

The hard disks thesedays have massive data capasity that you'd keep saving files after files. I ended up forever having to burn those backup CDs thanks to that. Actually it's my own fault not backing up data often enough. Floppy Disks sound like a thing of the past, but as a matter of fact, it's quite handy to have a floppy disk drive when you have to backup only a small data.

Wonder how other people deal with their home computer?

16-Sept

I was sort of busy today, although it wasn't like I did any strenuous exercise or study. Just same old same old housework that any housewife would do. But I'm not your usual housewife but a really slack one, who normally doesn't do much housework but spend most of the day doing her own things like writing something for a blog, reading a book or two, and cooking nothing for tea. She feels awful when seeing her incredibly understanding hubby as he comes home from work with the most beautiful smile on his sweet face...

So I decided to spend at least 2 days a week doing housework properly.
And it still leaves me one day for myself only, which allows me to do whatever I want - the thing is, I mostly end up sleeping in all morning and slacking off, not spending the day productively enough. (Shame, shame, shame on you, dumbhead!)

There are many things I could do if I want to, such as studying English, practicing recorder(s), going to the library, etc. I did practice recorder a few days ago, but it's hard to keep up. My hubby has been working hard and not having enough time practicing his guitar part isn't helping either. - but I need him to earn money at the same time...I'm so sorry darling :(

Well, I've done quite well today, except for one small accident where I scorched my small saucepan as I was cooking rice.
It's a stainless steel one that is very durable, but the downside of it is when it's scorched it's hard to clean the dirt off.
I managed to remove most of that burned, blackened rice stuck on the bottom.

I used the following method:
1. Fill the scorched saucepan with water and add 1/4 cup of baking soda, then bring it to boil (Let it boil hard for a couple of minutes).
2. Remove from the heat, empty the pan and again, add some extra baking soda and scrub vigorously. - hopefully I burned some calories while I was doing it.

Then of course, I had to cook rice again from scratch - I was spewing.

By the way the main meal for tonight was sweet chilli chicken with black sesame seeds (I got it from chinese grocery) and pine nuts. I also added extra ginger and lemon grass. Loved it.

17-Aug

There is the Japanese word 'Mikka-bozu', which means the person doesn't follow his/her plan, or resolution any more than 3 days.

It's exactly been three days since I started the psuedo latin dance and Japanese diet.
As for Japanese diet, I suppose I can stick to it as long as the ingredients last, but what about latin dance?

So far it's been fun, and I definitely feel my energy level has lifted within just three days of following my weight-loss regimen - as well as the muscular pain on my ab.
I've been snacking less, doing more exercise, and now the weather is getting warmer.

Just minutes ago I went outside and weeded my small vegie patch. There were chives shooting from the bed, corianders and rockets are absolutely thriving.
It's sunny and I could feel the heat on my back, which was facing the strong sun.

Funny isn't it? Is it just me, or does the weather really helps lifting my motivation?

Somehow I feel this time, I might succeed in not being a Mikka-bozu.

The toughest challenge is tomorrow though. I will be at the shop and won't be moving around as much as I do the rest of the week.
Plus I tend to snack more, because it's part of being sociable at work.

And I can't shake my butt while I'm out in the shop, can I?

5-Aug

AFL results over the last weekend:
Hooray! Bulldogs won...but so did Geelong Cats.
Bulldog will face Cats in the round 20, and they're bloody hard to beat...and Essendon in the round 22.
Bulldogs lost to Essendon last time they met, but not by that many points.

Well, I wish them the best. After all, I'm just a quiet supporter.

Just as I have anticipated, flu has come back to me again - the very unwelcome guest, who stays way too long each time and comes back too many times.
So I decided to resist the temptation to go online and rested up as much as I could.
That surely helped. I feel heaps better.
Now, it's going to be busy again, tomorrow in particular.

Talking of which, I've got to top up groceries and fetch some medications from the chemist.

29-July

Today was one of those days when you don't think much about anything.

I began reading 'A portrait of the artist as a young man' last night.
I am not sure if I could ever enjoy this book though...just as I anticipated, I soon became too bored to continue. Maybe I should donate this book.
Someone is bound to love it since it's regarded as a classic Joyce novel.

By the way, do you know the American show the Hills, which adopted the Reality TV format? Anyway, I watched it in the evening.
It's now showing season 4 in Australia.
The story is quite interesting because all characters are real and all the basic facts are real as well. I watched the bit today where the leading character Lauren is going through a rough time with her close friend Audrina.
Obviously someone fabricated a rumour about Lauren hooking up with her boyfriend, and is trying to hide it from Audrina.

To Audrina, her relationship with her boyfriend Justin seems to be everything, which controls her life, eats up her heart and triggers her every stupid action.
It's so heart-breaking to watch any girls going through such an ill-fated relationship.

She became insecure and developed this serious trust issue, which nearly sabotaged her friendship with Lauren.

Audrina being all suspicious and unable to trust Lauren and Lauren being so badly offended and hurt by the clueless accusation from her good friend, created the unbearable tension and pain. In stead of trying to talk things through, the two screamed at each other and made the matter worse.

It's so sad and yet something like that happens fairly commonly in the real life, doesn't it?

In the end, Audrina realised that Lauren didn't lie to or betray her and that accusing Lauren was a big mistake.
Adriana dropped her ego and said sorry.

Apologizing is hard to do - but it's a relatively small cost to pay when something more important to you is at stake that depends on it.

The last scene brought tears in my eyes, with the relief of seeing them having managed to save their friendship in the end - for real.

24-July

A quiet saturday, the morning was spent reading few more pages of Mansfield Park (Jane Austin) and watched a video afterwards.

Very uneventful day, but peaceful. I have nothing to gripe about, which is a nice change.
This weekend, and in the coming week, I'm planning to do some painting work done for my kitchen. It shouldn't be too difficult.

Meanwhile, my cold is getting worse. After a long time of runny nose, my nose started bleeding a bit, not that bad. I think it's something everyone has to put up with during the winter...the virus is circulating everywhere...and everyone around me is a bit sick, just like me.

Turned on the computer, with a nice hot cup of coffee on my side. Lucky me.
No cleaning inside the house, no laundry to be done while the wet weather persists.

The political news doesn't interests me anymore. But I recently noticed the little improvement in my listening skill. I often listen to the radio while I'm at the counter and can pick up news and talk about it with customers. However I haven't done much reading-out exercise recently. I did it for a while last night, but soon my voice became hoarse so I decided not to persevere.
I guess that's just the message of my body telling me to slow down.

That's it for now...hopefully I'll be back tomorrow. :)

19-July

I spent all day slobbing out in the lounge reading books. I've been reading a lot of psycho-thrillers and medical thrillers recently which I've come to get right into.
It's probably because my mother-in-law used to send me many books by Jonathan Kellerman and other best-selling authors (cos she knows how much I love to read).

By the way, the book I was reading today was 'Carriers' by Patrick Lynch.
Indeed I bought this book 14 years ago.
Back then I was only dreaming about going overseas sometime in the future. With that little hope, I kept studying English without much improvement.

I was just looking at corporate people on the train reading English newspapers with my mouth hung open, and I wished I could read in English like them.
One day I went to a foreign bookshop in Yokohama where I used to drop in every few days and picked up the book because the name of the author sounded familiar.
I took it back home and tackled the first page, couldn't understand a word without a dictionary.

On the first page I still see my old handwriting, showing the evidence of my futile effort to translate it. Just the first page. That means I gave up before turning the second page.

But somehow I held onto this book, took it with me to Australia and years later, I took it out of my bookcase and started reading it again.
My own handwriting shows clearly that even with a dictionary, I wasn't able to get the meaning right at that time. Even at my second attempt, I still struggled so much to read this book which I'm enjoying now, 14 years later.

I still don't think I can read English newspaper without a dictionary, or don't even bother trying unless I find something interesting in there.

That makes me wonder what my motive for learning English was/is.
It certainly isn't for business...it's because I believed that it'd initiate me to the new and exciting world. Maybe I should talk my husband into learning Japanese, which could open the door to whatever he might be missing out. (Just a food for thought.)

If my pursuit for learning English gives me a job, it'd be a nice bonus though...

18-July

It's not like I wasn't aware how hard translating was, but it's tricky.
If you try to translate 'accurately' it doesn't sound natural, whereas if you translate in the way it feels right, it may not be quite 'correct' either.

I really admire professional translators who might be facing the dilemma on a daily basis and deal with that, and possibly, criticism as well.

Anyway, the little amateur translation I did was a great fun. I might do that again once in a blue moon.

...I don't have much to write today, besides, I have to practice recorder this afternoon.
So I'll say bye for now, and I'll see you when I see you...(probably tomorrow?)

Not a Good Sign.

After staying up all night on Saturday, my body balance started to break down.
I was exhausted all day on Sunday and sick all day yesterday. Damn, I asked for it.

It was long since I had my last episode, and I was prepared for another one.
It didn't happen, but I would've definitely had a grandmal if I had tried to push my limit. I'm just glad I didn't wrap myself up in the list of things I planned to do yesterday and went along with whatever my body asked.

The maintenance guy was here yesterday morning, but I couldn't communicate well with him at my confused state of mind. I was sort of disoriented.
I feel a bit better today but still feel a little queasy.

My immune system is not functioning well, I have been flu-ish for what feels like forever. It bugs me...it's winter, and to a certain point, it's inevitable.
But I'll have to come up with some sort of health regimen...