Thursday, November 18, 2010


I’ve been literally flat out this week. Well it’s quite depressing to say, that I achieved nothing for it. I haven’t heard anything from the HR manager at the shop which I applied for the shop assistant position recently.
I reckon that the timing was still premature. Someday something might come along, but obviously not yet so I’d have to be patient.
In the mean time, I’m gradually getting better at my new position (day supervisor) at the op-shop. 
I guess I was sort of used to stuff like training volunteers and keeping the shop running smoothly as I’ve had to do that for a long enough time before being given this opportunity.

多分ボランティアの教育とかお店の管理とかは、この仕事を与えられる前にも必要に迫られてかなりの間やっていたから 結構抵抗感が無いのかも。

I feel kind of pressured to achieve something, asap, perhaps because now that everyone around me seems to be getting somewhere, one way or another.
Sometimes I feel as if I’m using my condition as kind of an excuse to be slack, in a way, which drives me to work harder, a lot harder than I should…and now what? I feel sick. (it’s also because it’s the time of the month I feel lethargic.)


Here’s the thing. I really shouldn’t feel pressured by other people's achievement. Fair enough it’s ok to be inspired, but I always should take my health into account.


It’s just that I want to believe I can do what other people can. Yes I can, but only to a certain extent. If I’ve said I care less about what some people may think of me, it’d be a lie, but I also have to face the reality, which means that there are times I have to backpedal, but not in a negative sense.
To be honest, this whole medical condition thing makes my teeth grit sometimes. I won’t deny it. It just makes me a human.


But hey, look at the bright side. There are those who are counting on me. (My pathetic little job – god, I should really stop feeling like I were the biggest loser.) It's not the end of the world, indeed, far from it.


My time will come only if I change the way I look at my situation.


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