Plus half the time I never send txt to my husband to let him know either whereabout I am or what time I would be home. Because it would spoil the fun and excitement of smelling the youth and freedom wafting in the air again, the smell that takes me back to my 20s.
"Our relationship needs space and freedom. Lack of these qualities kill the romance."
When we tell this to other people - although it depends on how open-minded those people are, many raise their eyebrows as if to say it is a big scandal.
In Japan the amount of freedom of married women is usually lower than that of married men, which was especially clear in the old days. "A wife should be home when huband comes home." That was the way it was in my parent's generation.
However, I think having my own life is as important as the life of us together.
You may understand this if you have a close friend once-upon-a-time whom you lost touch after he/she found a partner, a girlfriend or a boyfriend.
Well, I understand the difficulty of making time for your friend when you're too occupied with work and other engagements. Saving that time for your partner may seem like the utmost importance, and yes. I find it important, too.
Yet, when I draw a mental picture of us being always together and only having ourselves to share everything, the image becomes unbearable. It suffocates me because "sharing" becomes a duty rather than something special. Having the "quality time together" becomes a routine rather than a precious treat.
Ian and I, are of course a husband and a wife, but also are two separate people.
It's love and life we share, not all our time outside work.
I do not own him or his life. His life is his own which, has become part of our life together.
It always amazes me how Ian's liveliness cheers me up - god, I just don't believe this guy.
The way he gets so excited and talks non-stop, or gets so frustrated and starts chucking tantrums like a kid. After nearly 6 years of our marriage he's still the most infectiously interesting, vibrant and lovable guy in my life. Oh dear, I can't help adoring him. .
You see, I can't kill this character that I love the most. He HAS to stay the way he is.
If I know everything he does, we have nothing to talk about - because there'd be no need to talk. Having his space and freedom keeps him 'alive' in its true sense and gives me the full joy of watching him doing things that he's passionate about, enjoying time with his friends and listening to him talk about it - although I'd have to admit there are times when I only half-listening like when I'm completely utterly flat-out and exhausted. Well, that is excusable isn't it?
I often wonder what the difference between marriage and defactoship is.
Maybe the difference is not that big if not at all. Perhaps I could ask Ian about that.
Last time when I was with my friends, I forgot how late it was and failed to ring him.
Just before midnight when I finally took out my mobile phone, I found this long list of missed calls and txts from him. "Oops." I thought and at the same time I felt so special to find out that he really cares about me.
After all, Ian is my family - I should at least give him a ring to let him know that I'm fine, I'd take a cab home if it gets super late and that I love him.
No comments:
Post a Comment