Cry Baby

On our 6^th wedding anniversary, we talked about how we feel about each other.

There are many Japanese friends living in Melbourne who married to Australian guy, so I’m just one of “those” girls – well, people have certain ideas about Jap – Aussie couples.

Ian and I still talk to each other, probably way more than what we used to in the beginning of our relationship. Well that’s good. We have connection. We have gone through similar dramas in our life and his family, just like Ian does, treats me like an individual, a family and a friend.

But, what about us as a couple? Sometimes, I thought, that my Japanese friends have a husband who cares, and worries about wife more than Ian does.

We talk, we share things and we laugh together, and yet there were moments when I wondered how much he cared about me.

We have so much freedom and we are both a bit of a non-conformist, so we don’t bother each other about whatever each of us does, like I can do what I want, for an instance. And most of the time, I appreciate him for his understanding nature.

Most of the time.

But, as we all know, our mind is complex and often more fragile than we think, although the opposite is also true.

There was a part of me who wanted him to show that he really missed me and worried about me when I was late.

He didn’t really tell me what I wanted to hear, which made me insecure, and that was what I hesitated to tell him. Because I thought it would be humiliating to appear clingy.

On our 6^th wedding anniversary I decided to drop my brave face.

The way he cares about me, might be a bit different from other people.

I know that we are soulmates and there are many things we understand each other without words. Still, there are things about him that I could not read.

The way he was showing his concerns about me was too subtle, and many times I didn't get his signals.

Please, if you do care, show it. Please, say it aloud, and remind me how precious I am to you.

No matter how strong and independent I may appear, there is this paranoid, insecure child in me who needs to be loved and nurtured. 

 

In a way, we are still in the process of growing as a couple.