26-FEB

For the past 5 days I've been spending all my free time editing and modifying the short story I wrote years ago, which reminded me the struggle and the excitement I went through while I was in the creative writing course.
The editing process proved to be both enjoyable and daunting at the same time just as I thought.
In fact, everyday and every time as I tackle this project I find something I don't like.
No matter how many times I re-read my writing there are always some parts I'm not happy with.
So I edit a bit, still not satisfied and I change words, delete few lines and alter some descriptions.
Then I post it, and find my writing still awkward.
I find myself getting cold feet, feeling exposed and humiliated.
Then again these consequences were already expected before I even started it.
So I say to myself 'whatever' and let myself engrossed with the endless persuit of 'my style' that works.
I might never find it but I will try regardless of the result.

Someone in my class commented on my original draft as wordy, over-discriptive, over-sentimental and predictable. He was really sharp, but his remarks were also spot-on, I have to admit.
However, I didn't agree with all what he said because his own style was way too journalistic for story-writing. He would've made a good critic, though.
My understanding of his criticism was; density may not be a bad thing, as long as it matches the effect that I intend, but in most circumstances, the over-use of colouful discriptive language makes the story sound self-indulgent and tacky, so to say. What I attempted to achieve was the ability to use the space effectively in my writing and create the rhythm that matches the story.

That's why I like Tim Winton. I think he's masterful in the use of space in writing. He can evoke feelings and images so effortlessly and his fragmental writing style seems to work so well (like prose poems).
His writing has the feel of a fine music and it never ceases to amaze me.

When I first wrote this assignment story, my teacher suggested me to read "The Lover" by Margaret Duras.
I remember reading the book few years ago and found the writing fairly dense, but it indeed, matched the feel and the climate of the location where the story was based - Saigon, one of the river-side town by the Mekong river.
I seem to remember that the story was about a french woman's experience as a lover of a wealthy young Chinese guy in the hot, humind summer in Saigon, when she was 15.
The smell of opium drifting in his room. He gives her money and she accepts to have sex with him. The thought that she maybe in love with him never enters her mind.
As it was the memoir of Duras's own experience, the observation was sharp, and yet almost detached.
There was heavy use of discriptive language, as far as I remember, which amplified the weight and the vividness of her experience gradually unfolded in the story. It also had the poetic edge to it, which I think is because of , again, 'rhythm' reminiscent of the boats rocking in the Mekong river. Probably the dense style of her writing was a deliberate attempt to evoke the strong feel of 'being there'.
I found the story suffocatingly erotic though. The controversial aspect of the under-age girl selling her body to a man, the smell of sweat, the description of the climate all orchestrate together to highlight the sensuality. That was the impression I got from that book.
Actually I might check out this book again. It's always nice to get back to reading the same book again as my interpretation of the story changes slightly each time I read it..

When I write, there's this temptation to use descriptive language way more than what's necessary. As a result nothing is left to imagination, which is precisely I don't want.


I'm writing it in memoir-style, but actually it mostly relies on my imagination, so it's going to be difficult to place myself in the protagonist's position, but I know I'll enjoy it partly for that challenge.
For the time being I'm lost without a clear direction, but it's an experiment so I could change bits and pieces of this draft later. Anyway, I think it's enough for today.