Coming to Terms with Reality.

It was gone!...I mean the typewriter I wanted. There was the other one that's probably from the late 60s or possibly 70s...nothing really significant.
Looking at the bright side, it saved me from spending again, and prevented my house from getting 'over-crowded'...yeah, sure.

Anyway, let me change the topic.
Since Tuesday, I've been managing to NOT stay up late.
Usually if I start reading a book and cannot stop halfway through the story, but these past few days, I've been forcing myself to put a stop to it at a certain time.

'Discipline' is something that was missing in my life.

On one hand, I am super lazy, on the other hand, I can be obsessively hard-working or determined. There's nothing in the middle, it goes from one extreme to the other...for which I'm ashamed of myself.

This morning my boss asked me to take charge of the shop while he's out, to which I was cool, but in the afternoon he told me to take some break...because I was working compulsively.
 
What was I trying to prove?
It makes me feel good to know that I can do something well.
It sort of makes me feel proud when I could finish reading a book within one night.

I clearly see the pattern in it.
I am subconsciously trying to rewind my time...to when I wasn't epileptic, when I could read a book within a couple of hours...when I could do many things so effortlessly...
I lost all those abilities because of this damn condition.
I thought I accepted the inevitability and I wasn't.

Am I really aware how fool I am?
Who the hell am I kidding?
It's getting late.
You know what? It's the time to tell myself 'STOP'.

Night night everyone and sweet dreams. zzz