Sunday, November 14, 2010

Thinking about what our mothers mean to us (母への思い。)

I'm going to be 40 in about 3 months, still, it's less than half the age mamam (everyone in her family affectionately call my mother-in-law by this nickname) is. Like most people, I don't wanna go to a nursing home when the time comes that I need some means of help, which maybe because I'm never going to be a mum.

あと3ヶ月ほどで40になるワタシ。それでもママン(家族はみんな義母の事をこの愛称で呼んでいる。)の半分以下だ。
殆んどの人と同様に、ワタシは補助が必要な歳になっても老人ホームには入りたくない。もしかしたら、母親になる事はないからそう思うのかもしれない。

If I were at her age and had had few kids who have pretty much settled in different parts of the country, what would I do?
My choice would most likely be living in a retirement village in the same state with one of the kids.

もし、ワタシがママンと同じ歳で、子供が自分とは離れた、別々の州に散らばっていたらどうするだろう?
多分、ワタシなら同じ州の退職者用住宅地で暮らす事を選ぶだろうな。

Mamam's choice was to go to the nursing home because she didn't want to be the burden of her children. The nursing home in the different state.
Of course I respect her decision, so does my hubby and sister-in-law.
But that means, we can't see each other often enough and when we eventually do see her, the pain of seeing her deteriorate is just too much.
Then we repeat the same questions in our mind again and again, 'would it have been the same if we could see her more often?' 'why didn't she move to Melbourne (or sydney) when she still could?'

ママンの選択は、子供の重荷になりたくないから、老人ホームに行く、という事だったの。それも、離れた州にある老人ホーム。もちろん彼女の選択はワタシも、ウチのダンナ様も、義姉も尊重してるのね。
でも、それは同時に満足に会えないって事なのね。そして、会った時に悪化しているのを見るのは耐えられない位辛いのね。
で、心の中で同じ質問を繰り返すの。「もしもっとしょっちゅう会えたとしても、同じだっただろうか?」、「なぜ、来れる内に(身体の動く内に)メルボルンに(或いは義姉の住むシドニーに)来なかったんだろう?」って。

All of us, including mamam, have feelings and are aware of each other's feelings. We are all frustrated. And yet we all know there's nothing we can do now. The main thing is that we love each other, and understand each other and accept the way we all are.

ワタシたちみんな感情があるし、お互いの思いはわかってる。みんな辛いんだよね。でも今となってはどうにもならないのもわかってる。大事なのは、みんながお互いを大切に思っているし、理解していること。そしてあるがままの相手を受け入れていること。

It's like reminding myself repeatedly that's the way it should be, and we cannot expect our loved one to change their mind.

そうであるべきなんだ、と言い聞かせるように。愛する相手の気を変えられるとか期待はできないんだって。

Today was my mum's birthday. When I rang her up, she took it and said 'It's
〇〇 speaking. Who am I talking to?' and I teasingly answered, 'It's 〇〇, too.'
She couldn't tell it was me. ('Hey, couldn't she recognise my voice?')
She was in the middle of putting Futons out in the sun. You know how heavy futons are? She's 76 and still doing heavy lifting all the time. She's strong-willed and tough, I mean, really tough. Even when I was growing up she always had her hands full and she got frustrated if there aren't enough on her plate.
 :D
She often found me too lazy, which I am, nagged me and annoyed me.

今日はワタシの母の誕生日だった。電話したら、母が出て、「○○でございます。」と言ったから、冗談っぽく「こちらも〇〇でございます。」って言ったのね。
ワタシだって気づかなかった。(おい、声でわからんのか!)
母は布団を外に干してる最中だったの。布団ってすごい重いよね。母は76になるけど、未だに重いものを持ちあげたり、いつものようにやってる。精神力は強いし、力強い、すごく力強い。
ワタシが子供の頃だって、いつも忙しくて、忙しくないとイライラしてた。(笑)
ワタシの事を怠けもんと思ってて、まぁそうなんだけどぐちぐち説教してワタシを苛つかせた。

Yeah I know I was an ungrateful daughter.
But you know one thing I realised today was that I now really appreciate that she's still so healthy and strong. And I had never realised how much it means to me.

うん、親不孝な娘って事は自分でもわかってる。
でもね、今日わかったのは、母が今でも丈夫で健康だって事が本当に嬉しい事だってこと。
それがどれだけワタシに重要かってこと。

I was depressed for the last few days but mum's voice really cheered me up.

ここ数日落ち込んでたけど、母の声聞いて、かなり元気になった。

Mum and mamam, even me are strong in different ways.
As long as mamam stays mentally strong, she'll bounce back and keep going, and we'll be able to see each other even though it's just these 7 days a year.

母とママン、ワタシでさえ違いはあれ、強さを持ってるの。
ママンが精神を強く持ってる限り、持ち直して生きていける。そして、一年に7日間だけであっても毎年会うことができる。

With mum, her strength lies in her total independence, her stubbornness which at times irritate me and which, are also the qualities of her I love.

ウチの母の強さってのは、完全な自立と彼女の強情さにある。それで時々ワタシはイラつくんだけど、同時になんか好きなんだよね。そういうところが。

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